Let's talk about mental health. Yes, I went there. I do a lot to look after my physical health as much as I can but I suffer from mental health issues. Today is a day I am struggling. I am I said it and I went there. I have ups and downs like all humans but I also suffer from anxiety and depression. I have been stable you could say for a while. But something happened yesterday and it made me spiral.
Something I have worked hard on for years may be taken away from me and I have no idea why. It is not the end of the world stuff and no one has died. There is a bigger problem in the world right now than me losing work so many people are going through so much worse than me but I want to talk this opportunity to tell you about what it feels like when something like this happens to a person with anxiety and depression.
First I started uncontrollable shaking. My hand tremble terribly. I can not concentrate on what is going on only the worst-case scenario. I spiral negative thoughts fill my mind. There is no other option it is in my head. This will end in disaster. Whatever has happened is all my fault and I am in trouble. Just to be clear I did nothing wrong. Well, nothing knowingly I don't think.
I had to get my husband to try to calm me down but to be honest they are not an easy task. I am worked up to beyond control. I am panicking. Think of something you are really scared off. Let's use sharks as an example. I feel like I am swimming with a shark hunting me and all of a sudden I am surrounded by them and they all want to eat me. I am terrified. This is how it feels when I get worked up.
You can try to tell me it is ok, You can try and tell me it is not the end of the world. You can find solutions and help with the problem but my mind is already in the vortex of a spin. It is whizzing at 100 miles an hour and there is only doom and gloom for me in it. I did that stupid thing of googling my issue and it was all negative and worry filling and this, in turn, has made me worse. There seems to be no hope with my situation and that is the way the cookie is crumbling and I may never find out what the issue is or why but this is what I am left with.
I feel sick to my stomach I get physical pains.
My husband helped me to do all I can to try and remedy the situation and now it is a waiting game but I am still in full spiral mode and without hope to be honest.
I did not sleep last night my brain will not let me have any rest. It is telling me every negative thing that can and will happen to me. I am at this time trying to calm myself down. I have tried to stay offline but online is my life I am in a habit of checking my phone every few minutes and my work is all online I do not want to miss anything. but I need a break I know this.
I know I am not helping myself at this moment and I know in my rational mind that this is what it is and even if it is the worst-case scenario my world will not end. But I feel lost destroyed and worthless.
This is my honest feeling and what is actually feels like. As I write this I am crying. Now I am not a crier unless my depression and anxiety are playing with me.
I want you to know that if you are going through things like this you are not alone. I feel your pain. I understand what you are feeling and why you are feeling it. It is ok to not be ok. It is ok to feel your feeling and it is ok to not be sunshine and rainbows all the time. This is real life and we all are human. We are all being tested in our own ways at the moment. This is just another hurdle.
I am fully aware as I have said this is not the end of the world stuff for most people but to me right now I am struggling and I am sick of hiding what I am really going through. Not that I have ever done this. I am so honest about my mental health and if this post helps you to start a conversation with your loved one then I am glad I have written it.
I have many issues from my youth and I know they rear their ugly head at these times. I have a feeling of losing everything. I know this but that does not stop the pain or hurt I am feeling right now.
What you can do if you are dealing with someone like me in a spiral.
- Do listen to the person.
- Do not criticise the person
- Be kind just because you don't understand the problem does not mean it is not a huge deal to that person.
- Make sure they are eating and drinking. I will not remember to do this in a spiral.
- Be there be present. You need to give them your attention.
- Once they have calmed a bit try and talk about something else anything else.
- They will go over and over the issue with you 1 million times you have to listen and reassure not tell them you dont want to hear about it. Going over it time and time again is what makes this a spiral
- Try to get them out of the situation.
- Help with solutions