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How I cope with depression

So when my depression and panic attacks reach ahead I could not leave my house not even to collect the mail from the letterbox outside our building.

It had been at least 2 months since I had left my house. When my fiancĂ© at the time said the magic words. I had so longed to hear for years "I think it's time we got a dog". So we looked far and wide and found Millie she was 1 and a half when we got her.  She gave me a reason to leave the house. She needs to be walked and she needed to go to the toilet. This gave me a reason to leave the house. I had to look after Millie. From day one Millie bonded with me and she seems to understand my pain. Even when I spent hours crying she cuddled me and even licked my tears a few times. She knew she was here to look after me and to this day she still helps me in ways she and I will never understand. We would go out for walks and she wouldn't go too far as she seemed to know I was on edge. 

My job at the time caused my depression. I was bullied for having dyslexia. I was referred to occupational health and to a wonderful man called Adrian. Who gave me help in many ways including cognitive behavioural therapy. Now before I had any help I was a complete sceptic. I was brought up to not show my feelings and as you know my family have disowned me for having depression as I should snap out of it! "It's not a real thing" etc. but I had weeks of therapy and I could finally go out of the house further and further more importantly I could understand I can not control other people and I can only control myself and what I think. Although sometimes I let my thoughts run at a thousand miles an hour. 

Adrian also taught me ways to control my panic attacks and how to stop them from coming ahead. He gave me classes on my mind and what was happening when I would get into a cycle of overthinking and negative thoughts. 

I was put on what the Americas call Prozac. I was again not sure what to think about being put on "happy pills". But these have helped me they seem to clear my mind and just up my mood. 
I am still on these tablets and I hope to come off them soon. If you are hesitating about the medication I don't think I could have gotten through my depression without them in my life. F

My hubby 
My gorgeous man, he has helped me in so many ways he has held me whilst I cried, whilst I told him I didn't want to live anymore. He has listened to my same stories over and over and over my worries and nightmares. He has had a sleepless night with me crying endlessly. I honestly don't think anyone else would have been there for me like he was. 

I have always liked to work out and getting back into fitness without pressure was a great way to pass my long days stuck in my mind. This gave me an escape for an hour a day. Space to think about nothing but the job at hand. 

I used to be an actress in another life or so it feels. I would YouTube a guided meditation when I started to feel a panic coming in and lie on my living room floor and let this wash over me and try to unravel my complicated thoughts. I really recommend this I think mindfulness is a great app. 

Loving my job & Moving house
I left my "dream job" this was the best thing for me. Not because I hated the job but because I had to get out of my situation. I can not work for an organisation who do not understand my dyslexia and have not willing to help me only make matters worse. My hubby was disgusted with my treatment so applied for another post an hour's drive away from where we worked which also gave us a free house so less pressure on me to have to find a job.  

I know this is not easy for everyone and this is just what helped me. Life is too short why stay somewhere that is making you miserable. My family have never understood why I would leave such a good job but for me, this was the best thing to do. 

As I write this I hope this helps at least one of you. I will do another post on this as this one is getting long 

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