Today I want to talk about bullying. I have been on the receiving end of bullying all my life. I was bullied at school, I was bullied by an ex-partner, I was bullied out of a career. I feel like I am in a good place to talk about bullying.
Each one of us is different we are all unique I am not you and you are not me. My school years were hard, to say the least. I was diagnosed in primary school as being dyslexic. This was a long time ago and dyslexia was still a kinda new thing it was not as common as it is now. I was one of two children in my primary school at the time who was diagnosed. This means I was given extra help and even removed from some classes to be taught by myself. I loved to sing and dance I won awards in both. This did not sit well with my peers and I was picked on a lot.
My personality is one that wants to be liked. I will bend over backwards to be liked. Couple this, will bullies and you have a major problem. I was always the end of the joke. The popular girls would pick me up and use me and just as fast bully me rotten. I found it hard to fit in. I cried a lot and I felt physically sick. I really suffered from the mental torture I was under.
This continued through high school. Again I did a lot of my classes without the class with the special education teachers. My high school was two villages away which meant I made new friends. Which was awesome. I would like to say this was the end of the bullies but the same girls were in my high school. So it continued till the day I left school.
Unfortunately when I was 16 and still in school I was raped. I am not going to go into details here but if you look around this site you will find another post I have written on it. It was heartbreaking and I was not believed by anyone. It happened and I know I was raped by a member of my family I should have trusted. This eventually caused the end of my relationship with my family.
I moved on with life and literally moved away. The thing is once you have been bullied you will know how I feel. I was broken. There is a place in my heart where I truly believe I am not good enough or that I do not deserve happiness.
I have many flaws I am not pretending to be perfect but I am fully when I look back that I was bullied. By friends by family by co-workers. bullying does not have to be physical it can be mental and most of mine was mental. Constant belittling, name-calling lie spreading and exclusion. You may be reading this and wondering have you been bullied. If you can relate to anything I am saying you are a bully survivor. Have you ever felt undermind? Belittled? taken advantage of? Ashamed because of lies, threatened? made fun? these are just some of the ways that bullies can attack your mental well-being.
I wish I had known back then what I know now. I am strong, I can achieve anything I want to achieve. These bullies are just that bullies they get off on hurting others. I am sorry but bullies do not change. They feed on your fear and hurt and this makes them feel superior.
I have cleared out the bullies in my life, I hope. I made the conscious decision to part ways with anyone who is in the category of a bully. I have depression and anxiety and sometimes my mind will wander back to all the painful things these people did to me but they are not getting to win here.
One of the last people to bully me still works at the same place my husband does. I sometimes hear her name and it makes me feel instantly sick. There is a long story there but she won and I lost. I let her win. I hope one day all the bullies will realise what they have done to others and be accountable but I really do not think they will.
I wanted to write this to tell you that I am proof you can move on from the pain and the hurt that these people cause and you are worth it and you do matter. I promise you, you will find your happiness mine is right here right now. I have a wonderful supportive husband and his family are everything I could hope for and more. I have two dogs and I try to live a life I would be proud of. I do what I like doing and found a passion in life. No matter what you are called no matter what happens to you you are special you count and you are important.
If you are struggling right now please do not struggle in silence this lets the bully win and we are not victims we are survivours. Speak help change your circumstances. I gave up on what I thought was my dream job to a bully, I gave up my whole family and I can honestly hand on heart say I am a better person for it.
I believe in you and I know you will get through this.
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