Why Making Friends As An Adult Feels So Much Harder Than It Should

I never really thought about how much harder adult friendships become until I moved away from the Highlands.

When you grow up somewhere, you do not realise how comforting familiarity actually is. You know people. You recognise faces in shops. You bump into someone you know without even planning to. There is this quiet feeling of belonging that you completely take for granted until it disappears.

And honestly, I think moving somewhere new as an adult while also working from home made me realise just how isolating modern life can sometimes feel.

I have been here over a year now, which sounds mad when I actually say it out loud, and although I genuinely like where I live now, there are still moments where it does not fully feel like “home” yet.

I think part of that is because making friends as an adult feels weirdly unnatural compared to when you are younger. When you are a child, friendships just happen. You sit beside someone in school once and suddenly you are inseparable for the next six years.

As adults it somehow feels like everyone already has their friendship groups sorted out already. People are busy, exhausted, working constantly or spending time with partners and family. Weeks disappear ridiculously quickly and before you know it, you realise you have barely had a proper conversation with anyone outside work or social media for days.

Especially when you work online.

That is the strange thing about blogging and content creation sometimes. Technically I interact with people constantly all day long. Emails, comments, messages, editing, posting, replying, social media, content planning. But online interaction is not the same as actual human connection.

You can spend your whole day “socialising” online and still feel lonely somehow.I also think social media makes friendships look easier than they actually are.

Everyone online seems constantly surrounded by people. Coffee dates. Group holidays. Birthday dinners. Pilates classes with friends. Last minute brunch plans.

Meanwhile I am over here trying to convince myself that going to Tesco does technically count as leaving the house for social interaction.

And honestly? I know I am not the only person who feels like this. I think a lot of adults quietly struggle with loneliness but nobody really admits it because there is this pressure to look like you have everything together all the time. Especially once you reach a certain age.

There is this weird expectation that by adulthood you should already have:

• your career sorted
• your friendships sorted
• your confidence sorted
• your life sorted

But real life does not actually work like that.

People move.
Friendships drift.
Relationships end.
Mental health changes.
Life changes.

Sometimes you suddenly find yourself starting over completely in a place where you barely know anyone and honestly it can feel incredibly lonely at times. I think working from home makes it even harder too because there is no natural social interaction built into your day anymore.

No colleagues.
No lunch breaks together.
No random chats while making coffee.
No accidentally building friendships over time just by being around people regularly.

Everything becomes intentional effort instead. And when you already feel anxious, overwhelmed or mentally drained, putting yourself out there socially can feel exhausting.

Some days I genuinely miss stupidly small things from home.
Recognising people.
Knowing familiar places.
Feeling settled.

Even just feeling part of a community without having to think about it. I also think people massively underestimate how much isolation affects mental health over time. Humans are not meant to sit indoors staring at screens all day every day while convincing themselves Instagram counts as proper social interaction.

That is probably why little things matter more than ever now:

• walking the dogs
• chatting to people on walks
• hobbies outside work
• getting outside
• seeing people in real life
• having routines that are not entirely online

I do think friendships still happen as adults, just differently.

More slowly.
More awkwardly.
More intentionally.

But maybe that also makes them more meaningful in the end.

Final Thoughts

I honestly think there are far more adults feeling lonely than anybody admits properly. Especially people who work from home, move away from where they grew up or spend most of their lives online. The older I get, the more I realise community and connection matter far more than pretending to have a perfectly together life.

And honestly, if you are finding adult friendships difficult too, I genuinely do not think there is anything wrong with you.

bullies and me how I survived them

Today I want to talk about bullying. I have been on the receiving end of bullying all my life. I was bullied at school, I was bullied by an ex-partner, I was bullied out of a career. I feel like I am in a good place to talk about bullying.  

Each one of us is different we are all unique I am not you and you are not me. My school years were hard, to say the least. I was diagnosed in primary school as being dyslexic. This was a long time ago and dyslexia was still a kinda new thing it was not as common as it is now. I was one of two children in my primary school at the time who was diagnosed. This means I was given extra help and even removed from some classes to be taught by myself. I loved to sing and dance I won awards in both. This did not sit well with my peers and I was picked on a lot. 

My personality is one that wants to be liked. I will bend over backwards to be liked. Couple this, will bullies and you have a major problem. I was always the end of the joke. The popular girls would pick me up and use me and just as fast bully me rotten. I found it hard to fit in. I cried a lot and I felt physically sick. I really suffered from the mental torture I was under. 

This continued through high school. Again I did a lot of my classes without the class with the special education teachers. My high school was two villages away which meant I made new friends. Which was awesome. I would like to say this was the end of the bullies but the same girls were in my high school. So it continued till the day I left school. 

Unfortunately when I was 16 and still in school I was raped. I am not going to go into details here but if you look around this site you will find another post I have written on it. It was heartbreaking and I was not believed by anyone.  It happened and I know I was raped by a member of my family I should have trusted. This eventually caused the end of my relationship with my family. 

I moved on with life and literally moved away. The thing is once you have been bullied you will know how I feel. I was broken. There is a place in my heart where I truly believe I am not good enough or that I do not deserve happiness. 

I have many flaws I am not pretending to be perfect but I am fully when I look back that I was bullied. By friends by family by co-workers. bullying does not have to be physical it can be mental and most of mine was mental. Constant belittling, name-calling lie spreading and exclusion. You may be reading this and wondering have you been bullied. If you can relate to anything I am saying you are a bully survivor. Have you ever felt undermind? Belittled? taken advantage of? Ashamed because of lies, threatened? made fun? these are just some of the ways that bullies can attack your mental well-being. 

I wish I had known back then what I know now. I am strong, I can achieve anything I want to achieve. These bullies are just that bullies they get off on hurting others. I am sorry but bullies do not change. They feed on your fear and hurt and this makes them feel superior.

I have cleared out the bullies in my life, I hope. I made the conscious decision to part ways with anyone who is in the category of a bully. I have depression and anxiety and sometimes my mind will wander back to all the painful things these people did to me but they are not getting to win here. 

 One of the last people to bully me still works at the same place my husband does. I sometimes hear her name and it makes me feel instantly sick. There is a long story there but she won and I lost. I let her win. I hope one day all the bullies will realise what they have done to others and be accountable but I really do not think they will. 

I wanted to write this to tell you that I am proof you can move on from the pain and the hurt that these people cause and you are worth it and you do matter. I promise you, you will find your happiness mine is right here right now. I have a wonderful supportive husband and his family are everything I could hope for and more. I have two dogs and I try to live a life I would be proud of. I do what I like doing and found a passion in life. No matter what you are called no matter what happens to you you are special you count and you are important. 

If you are struggling right now please do not struggle in silence this lets the bully win and we are not victims we are survivours. Speak help change your circumstances. I gave up on what I thought was my dream job to a bully, I gave up my whole family and I can honestly hand on heart say I am a better person for it. 

I believe in you and I know you will get through this. 

How to cope when you are down.

Life is a funny thing. No matter your situation there are hurdles in life and challenges. I want to talk about how to cope with life when its mentally challenging and the stress can seem overwhelming. I personally suffer from anxiety and depression. I know the feeling of dread and despair. No matter who you are everyone has dark days. It can be difficult to see any light in the world when things start to close in. 

1. Breath. Yes, I know you are thinking. I am breathing. Stop what you are doing. Move to another room and relax. Sit on the floor and concentrate on your breath. Think about the movement of your body. take a deep breath, Really deep. Count to 5 as you exhale. Do this for 10 minutes. This will centre yourself back to the moment. When you are in grips of a panic attack or dark place. Your mind is flooded with every bad thing you have done or said. Breathing gives you a chance to literary catch a breath. 

2. Lie on the floor and listen to a guided meditation. Personally, I just go on youtube and find one that is over 10 minutes long. Feel yourself on the ground. Let your mind go. Just focus on meditation. 

3. Get a note pad and pen. Write down everything that is bothering you. EVERYTHING. ok, it is now on paper. Now I want you to imagine your best friend or partner has come to you with this list. I want you to write down what you would say to them if this list was theirs? You would tell them not to worry you would give them solutions, would you? This can really help you to work through problems. Try it. 

4. Work out. It doesn't matter your size or shape. Working out is a great way to release stress. This is one of the big things in my life that helps me rebalance. I am not saying hit the gym. But do something that makes you happy. Do you like to walk? Do out and walk. Do you like being on a bike? Get a turbo trainer and spin away. I know a lot of the time when I am going through a dark time. I can not leave the house. So I work out at home. Do whatever makes you feel comfortable just move your body. 

5. Talk. Talk to someone. Your partner,  your best friend, your parent. Just talk. Call the doctor and make an appointment if you need help. This is one of the best things I ever did. We are so lucky to live in a world where there is access to amazing mental health help. 

6. Read a book. This can be any book. Ok, maybe not any book but something that helps you to escape your world into the world of the book. There are also many fantastic self-help books out there try one of them. 

I hope you have liked this post. Depression and anxiety is an illness and you will get thought this.  What do you do to feel better?